Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

No, Shit, Really? Part I

March 1, 2010

Actual conversation my friend had with her son’s school choir director:

A: So, my son called me on my cell phone at lunch to tell me there is a choir concert TONIGHT at 7:30.  Did I miss a flyer?

CD: No, I didn’t send one home.

A: Ah, did I miss the phone call?

CD: No, I didn’t call, I sent an email.

A: Oh.  I definitely did not get an email.

CD: Well, I can’t help it if not everyone checks their email.

A: Oh, I check my email.  I have a Blackberry.  My email checks me.  I for sure did not get an email.  Are you sure I am on your list?

CD: No.

A: Um, so how do know if the email got sent to me?

CD: I don’t.

?????

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No, Really, Thanks for Explaining That to the Kids

September 21, 2009

Overheard at the Caruso house during dinner on the second night of Rosh Hashanah

[Like many women who have given birth vaginally at least once, I sneezed and needed to make a dash to the bathroom.  The kids wondered what happened.]

Kids:  What happened?  Did mommy have to throw up?

Josh: No she just had to run to the bathroom.

Kids: Why?

Josh: She sneezed.

Kids: Huh?

Josh: Well, sometimes, after Mommies have had a few babies they have a hard time holding it when they sneeze, and they have to run to the bathroom so they don’t pee in their pants.

Much hilarity ensued.  Dinner was not recoverable after that.  Thanks hon.

Why I Should Try to Put My Undergarments Away As Soon As They Come Out of the Dryer

May 27, 2009

Shayna, walking around in nothing but her underwear and MY BRA:

“Look boys, I’ve got gigantic bobbies!”

Asher, laughing hard, “They’re GINORMOUS!”

Lev, also laughing hard, “They’re not bobbies, they’re boobies.”

Me, trying not to laugh.  Unsuccessfully, I might add: “Ok, they’re called breasts, and that is my bra and please put it back in the laundry basket.  You can prance around in your own bra when you have one.”

Um, whoops.  Did I just say that?  Ok, so I realize what I have just said and I am now laughing so hard I snort, and all 3 kids are doubled over they are laughing so hard.  I quickly try to correct myself:

“What I meant was you can WEAR your own bra when you’re old enough.  It’s probably not a good idea to prance around in anybody’s bra however old you are.”

Asher: “But you prance around in front of Abba.”

Excuse me, WHAT?

Asher: “When you’re getting dressed in the morning, both of you are in your underwear at the same time.”

Me: “Ok, that’s different.  We’re married and share a bedroom and we get dressed at the same time, so that’s ok.”

Lev: “Would it be ok if Abba pranced around in your bra?”

Resistance is futile.

You Need Duct Tape, String . . . Hey, Where’s Your Sister?

April 2, 2009

My eldest son and his friend came running down the stairs this afternoon, out of breath and very intent. Here is the conversation:

Son & Friend: Mom! Mom! Quick! We need duct tape and string!

Me: You do?

S&F: Yes! Hurry!

Me: Um, where’s your sister?

(quick glances between the two boys)

S&F: Playing with us.

Me: Really? So what do you need the duct tape and string for?

S&F: Well, we’re making a clubhouse. We need the duct tape to tape the towel to the doorway of the cubby (a small space in boys’ room).

Me: And the string?

(more glances back and forth)

S&F: Weeeelllll . . .

Me: Yes?

S&F: Weeelllll, every clubhouse has to have a dog, and Shayna is going to be the dog. We are going to tie her to the pretend tree we made out of the coat rack.

Me: Um, gee, I don’t think she’s going to like that too much. How about just the duct tape for the towel?

S&F: Ok! But what will we do if the dog gets loose and runs away?

Me: Make sure you have some snacks. I’m sure she’ll stay in your clubhouse if you feed her.

S&F: GOOD IDEA! Let’s get some popcorn!

(playdate continues with no casualties)

Lice . . . Good Times.

October 17, 2008

Oldest Son, 10, totally hysterical: “OH MY GOD!  There are bugs in my hair?  OH MY GOD!  I’m freaking out get them out of my hair OH MY GOD I’m freaking out get them out of my hair now!!!!!

Second Son, 8, also rather hysterical: “OH MY GOD EWWW oh no will we have to shave my head???? I don’t want to shave my head no no no!!!”

Daughter, 4/2, laughing: “OH MY GOODNESS!!! This is SO COOL!  I have BUGS in my hair Mommy!!  I can’t wait to tell Morah Julie [pre-k teacher] about my bugs!!! I’m going to name them!”

I couldn’t make this shit up.