Archive for the ‘Children’ Category

My Little Piece of the World

March 16, 2010

So half the neighborhood is hanging out at my house, all of the bigs doing homework and the littles playing “Pet Hospital”.

I’m going back and forth between helping a first grader think of words that rhyme in English and 2 3rd graders translate the instructions for Hebrew homework.

A 4th grader who goes to the neighborhood Catholic school is having trouble with math, but he’s SOL because I suck at math.  My 6th grader helps him.

Paper airplanes swirl by, and I have to confiscate them and 2 paper footballs.  I notice that the airplanes are made out of someone’s Hebrew homework.  Ahem.

The 6th grader is doing research on fungus spores and regaling all the others with descriptions of different kinds of fungi (that he SWEARS grow between your toes).

All of them have Chumash (bible) homework of varying degrees and I am blown away by how they toss off doing this in a language I didn’t learn until I was 25.

The Catholic school kid and his sister have bible homework also, but it is New Testament stuff that I am not familiar with.  Latin?  No prob.  Corinthians?  Not so much.  Thankfully, they don’t seem to need help.  I told them I can dye Easter eggs like nobody’s business if they wanted help with that.  They said they’d already done it at home but that they’d bring me some for Passover.  Sweet.

The natives have blown through a plate full of baby carrots, cut up peppers and cucumbers, a huge bag of pretzels and half a gallon of milk.

In between, I’m making sure the Good Doctors at Pet Hospital Central have enough Bandaids to bandage a small nation, and snacks because, I’ve been informed, “Sick aminals need lots of pretzels to feel better.”

You know what the best part of this is?  It’s all reciprocal.  I help with homework and feed a whole bunch of kids, and next week it will be someone else’s turn to help and feed my kids and in the summer we just let them all out, pop open a few beers, sit in my driveway in lawn chairs looking like an episode of King of the Hill and we watch them grow.

There is nothing, I mean NOTHING better than this.

Advertisements

Just Like Elastigirl

February 24, 2010

This is priceless.

Wow. What is Wrong With This?

January 13, 2010

This is messed up.  Good Lord.  The child is 4 years old.  Who cares how long his hair is?

The Need to Stop Micromanaging Our Kids

October 21, 2009

Can we get an “AMEN“?

This Is a Test – Lev, Can You Find Me?

September 25, 2009

My eldest just discovered I have a blog.  I’m waiting to see how long it takes him to find me.  This should be fun!  I’ll keep this post sticky on the top to make it easy to see when it’s updated!

Lev, when you find this blog, introduce yourself by commenting on this post.  Love Ya! —The Mominator

***UPDATED***

Score!  He found me!  4 days . . . not bad!  Hey, maybe he’ll write a post or two!

A Lady of Leisure

August 24, 2009

The question that riles me the most as my youngest gets ready to begin kindergarten tomorrow is, “So what will you do with your time now?”

Oh, you know, mani-pedis, bon-bons, catch up on my soaps, lunch with the other Ladies of Leisure.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Things I’m a Snob About Thursday, Early Edition: Put Some Clothes on That Girl

August 19, 2009

I realize I don’t have a middle-school daughter yet, but seriously?  Have you SEEN what 11,12, & 13 year old girls are wearing?  I don’t care how cute your kid is, I don’t want to see her belly button if she’s older than 3.  If your daughter develops early, here’s a tip:  buy her a real bra.  Not the cami-demi-thingy Vanessa Hudgens wears (FYI: Vanessa is 21.  Your kid is 12.).

If the first thing that comes to mind is Britney, Lindsey or Jessica (or, God Forbid, Madonna) when I see an outfit there is no way on God’s Green Earth my daughter will be wearing it.

I’m sure this post is going to come back and bite me in the ass.  Pretty much the minute my daughter hits 12 and we’re shopping and she has a fit because I’ve picked out a nice Laura Ingalls dress and she’s picked out a Britney/Jessica/Vanessa outfit and I say to her, “Sorry honey, Daddy’s gonna lock you up ’til you’re 40 if you come home wearing that.”

Alright, WHO CUT THE CHEESE?

August 16, 2009

If I hear that question one more time I might throw up.  Whenever there is a questionable smell in the house, one of the kids inevitably asks, “Who cut the cheese?”  What is it about bodily functions that ilicits cackling-hyena-like laughs?  I’d love to say I think they’ll outgrow this, but I’ve lived with my husband for too long and I know better 🙂

Info on Sex Offender Registry

August 13, 2009

This is very interesting.  Makes me second guess the purpose of this if it’s so inaccurate.

Why Summer Overnight Camp Rocks

August 11, 2009

I think kids need time away from their parents (and certainly the reciprocal).  Summer camp is the perfect opportunity to give your kids a break from you breathing down their necks.  They need experiences that are things that would make us cringe, if we knew about them.  They need to organize midnight kitchen raids to score brownies leftover from dinner, bury their counselors’ bedding in the lakefront beach and, at least in the case of boys, sing songs about tacos that poop.  Examples off the top of my head of course.

While I am all for self-directed playtime (and lots of it), sleep-away camp offers the unique opportunity for activities run by . . . other kids.  Well, ok, maybe not children, but teens and college kids.  Who are young enough to still remember and understand what fun really is.  Who do you think taught my son the song about the pooping taco?  And believe me, much to his delight, his teen-age male counselors were not nagging him to shower.  At. All.

The independence they gain is invaluable.  There are no kid gloves at camp (or, at least at the camp my son goes to).  Can’t make your bed?  You’ll just sleep with your sleeping bag.  Don’t like what’s for lunch?  There’s always the candy bar you saved from canteen.  Kids that could barely tie their shoes are putting up their own tents and swimming in a questionably murky lake and loving it.  Sadly for my son, the excitement with which he shared his mastery of cooking eggs over a campfire with one arm (he broke the other one 4 weeks ago) was tempered by the sudden realization that he might have to make breakfast at home now.

I like mine over easy on toast.  Just in case he’s reading this.