The Need to Stop Micromanaging Our Kids

Can we get an “AMEN“?



5 Responses to “The Need to Stop Micromanaging Our Kids”

  1. EdibleTorah Says:

    Wow. Crickets.

    Well, I give a qualified “amen”. But I want to acknowledge that it’s harder than it looks (not micromanaging) and parents are dis-incented from trying. My oldest needed a lot of handholding, academically. We didn’t do her homework for her, but there was a lot of oversight to ensure the homework got done, and that the concepts were understood.

    On the one hand, we could have just let it be, and she’d get the grades she got. But what we encountered year after year were teachers who didn’t know she didn’t know the material. The answer was always the same: “Oh, but she’s such a good kid. She’s so nice in class. She supports the other students. Everyone really responds to her”

    “Yes,” we’d respond, “but she can’t add.”

    You may think it’s impossible in this day for teachers to be unaware, but grades are now formed by composites of classroom participation, homework, etc. And after about 2nd grade, “homework” means “is there writing on the paper”, not “is it done correctly”. Homework is checked in class with everyone checking their own answers and making notes. So it takes several months for a kid who really doesn’t understand to show up on the radar. Before that it just looks like someone who doesn’t test well.

    By February the teachers would realize what we were talking about, but by then it was more or less too late. By 4th grade we’d seen the pattern enough to know we had to take a more active hand. Tutors when we could, but more often just working with her A LOT to ensure she knew it.

    Micromanaging? I would probably have to say so. But the incentive to back off (ie: that she would acquire the ability to handle it herself) was just not apparent.

    • the Rebbetzin Says:

      Ok, let’s clarify: you are not micromanaging. you are guiding with much needed help. there is a HUGE difference. micromanaging IMHO is taking over for them when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves. What you are doing is providing the guidance and direction (and yes some hand holding) needed in order for your daughter to be successful. SO different from micromanaging.

  2. Chris Says:

    *chirp* *chirp*

    I am one of those parents that tries to do as little as possible to manage my kids. that being said, there is a time and place to manage (like your situation above). what drives me batty however is when parents micromanage playtime. umm….what happened to letting the kids figure out how to entertain themselves?

  3. surflife Says:

    Amen and I will chuck in a Hallelujah just for good measure!

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